Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just tell him i said nine months
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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