Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
