im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
