Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize