I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
