Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
