So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
