my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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