I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
