this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize