i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
