something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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