Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
as a side note pls kill me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
