i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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