I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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