i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
