Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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