It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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