I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
