mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
