I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
