I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
