the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we're so committed to being not committed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
