I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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