Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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