I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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