Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
