as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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