Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
