I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
