Cold hands, warm shart.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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