so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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