i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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