On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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