the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
