the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
