so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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