you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize