why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
