I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Vodka?
Forever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
