I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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