I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
