This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
