What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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