Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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