Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
