What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize