How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I just put wine in my tea
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
