i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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