I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NoShamevember. You game?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
