FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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