After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize