Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
