I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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