so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
