So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
