Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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