the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
