I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
