the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
