I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
