just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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