just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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