I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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