i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize