You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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