As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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