We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
