you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
