so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
