Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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