ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
