Im at strip club and am horny
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize