I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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