I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love you. Go after that dick
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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