I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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