Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
