just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
