My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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