I got her a Nickelback box set.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
