I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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