we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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