I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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