strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize