my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
