pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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