I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
