I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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