I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
