summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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