I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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