U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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