He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
