Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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