shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
